The Virus of Fear

14 March 2020

The fear of Corona virus has so far not risen in me, other than some caution over the risk of potentially passing it on to those more vulnerable than myself. Yet I feel it so deeply for those around me with their own challenges. 

I have otherwise personally been in complete trust and acceptance that this will happen to the world regardless of if I am afraid of it.

It is out of my control; I don’t know if my life or those I know will be touched by the virus, but if it is going to happen then all I can do is be mindful and exercise that caution in ways I can control.

I have, however, been surrounded by people gripped in fear; feeling like they are powerless and that control is taken away from them.

I have listened to those around me who worry about not being able to pay bills, not being able to protect those around them.

I’ve empathised with this fear, seeing come out as natural shadow too – the double edge of people blaming others for not making “correct” decisions for them, yet also being intimidated by the responsibility themselves. Last night I visited a supermarket and felt the tension amongst shoppers, passing barren shelves fuelling the self-only mindset.

I tried to understand why I wasn’t panicking.

The symptom of Corona that stood out to me, the thing that defines it; Shortness of breath.

My whole life I have felt intense fear whenever I cannot breathe; from a moment choking as a child or even during a particularly nasty cough that leaves me gasping for air, as if on a primal level I’m not actually sure if I will recover.

I grew up listening to my parents fight until my Mum would get so overwhelmed she was left gasping for air, to the point my child mind thought she was going to die – she would later develop Asthma.

My Dad also developed a similar gasping cough throughout my childhood – in recent years he has been diagnosed with a medical condition where his esophagus closes involuntarily, the only treatment for which is to calm himself and wait for it to pass.

I’m still terrified to the point that hearing anyone else having a coughing fit elicits a physical panic response in me.

No matter how afraid I have been, I’ve never been able to protect either of my parents from these physical things. Both into their 60’s; these conditions qualify them as more vulnerable to this current disease – so how can I not be worried? I am, but I have been worried my entire life of them passing.

In coming to realise that it will eventually happen through divine timing, that there will be nothing I can do about it, some of that panic is stripped away. Even if it will still break my heart and rock my world.

Whenever I am ill, I feel a wash of gratitude to my body for when it functions normally – something I recognise as an incredible blessing. The moment you realise how beautifully your body fights to keep you living most of the time it’s pretty extraordinary.

Breath is a way we gain control of our body and feel grounded in reality, when that is compromised we are bound to feel fear. Shallow breathing keeps us in the head; which is why many mindfulness practices focus on the breath to get us out of fight/flight and anxiety mindset.

When we breathe deeply, we breathe in love, nourishment and gratitude. We open ourselves up to acceptance and trust.

We do not always have control, but when we do I believe we should be grateful and exercise it where we can.

Our reaction to this pandemic.

Our mindset of togetherness rather than self.

It is easy for us to shift blame for our fear to those “in charge”, but they are just people too. People under a huge amount of pressure trying to make decisions for the benefit of millions of people. They are trying to bring order and control to a situation they simply cannot. Take this mindfully.

Trust that just as you are doing everything you can with the knowledge you have, others are doing the same.

This current threat to our safety will pass – though I believe as a society we will see it get worse first, it will then melt away and we will be left with the lessons as we always are.

Acknowledge your fear in every aspect, feel it, respect it and have compassion for it.